In Memoriam: Blue Conair® Hair Dryer (1996-2010)
/“Thanks for all the good hair days” Original Artwork by Diana Phillips (2011)
Diana Phillips’s Conair® hair dyer (Model 077B,) affectionately known as Blue, died suddenly on Friday, July 16, 2010 in her home in Studio City, California after a brief electrical episode. She was 14 years old.
Made in China in 1996, Blue was often admired for her extraordinary beauty, quiet yet powerful airflow, and quick hair drying speed. Her mechanical inner workings were visible beneath the sleek translucent casing, a bold shade of cobalt, the inspiration for her nickname.
Blue is survived by her owner, Diana Phillips, whom she served faithfully for nearly fifteen years. She also leaves behind her styling partner of two years, Ceramic Tools (Model CT2555,) a 1” Professional Ceramic Flat Iron who was first introduced to Blue three years ago by Ms. Phillips.
A private memorial service was held on Saturday, July 24, 2010 at the home of artist Nancy Spiller where Blue found her final resting place alongside Mr. Juicit, Mr. Coffee® and multiple anonymous cell phones in Ms. Spiller’s Garden of Dead Appliances.
In lieu of flowers, hair donations can be made to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths program, which provides wigs for women who have lost their hair due to cancer treatments. Ms. Phillips has supported the cause since its inception, making a hair donation herself in 2006.
Eulogy for a Dearly Departed Appliance
“Blue: A Self Portrait” Original Artwork by Diana Phillips (2011)
Beloved hair dryer
of nearly fifteen years
how well you served me.
Gift from my mother,
companion on the journey
from girl to grown woman.
You traveled far from home,
to college, then California,
readying me for dates
and day-to-day.
Thanks for all the good hair days.
I miss your lustrous body,
translucent cobalt skin,
smooth ergonomic handle
and compact frame - petite like mine,
your quiet whisper humming in my ear.
I miss your powerful Volts
of Alternating Current
flowing and reversing
at regular cycles,
directing Watts of energy
through your motor, heating coil, and spinning fan,
hot air flowing from the barrel
over my naked body
and wringing wet hair.
I miss your high and low,
hot and cool,
steady heat.
I searched online
for the exact brand and model.
Customer service says
Obsolete.
Discontinued.
My new dryer, an Ionic Turbo Styler,
is a Drag Queen.
Its chrome and sparkle finish
flashy.
Faux feminine.
I’m so blue without you.